Comments on: Individuality and friendship http://spiritblooms.gaiastream.com/2006/10/03/why-arent-more-people/ I want to start a revolution of kindness Thu, 28 Aug 2008 19:58:48 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=1.5.3-beta1 Comment on Individuality and friendship by: Barbara http://spiritblooms.gaiastream.com/2006/10/03/why-arent-more-people/#comment-433 Sun, 08 Oct 2006 01:28:46 +0000 http://spiritblooms.gaiastream.com/2006/10/03/why-arent-more-people/#comment-433 Yes, Helen, I think you got it. (I thought of yoga too.) But if I do yoga, I do it on purpose. I tend to not even see when I'm letting others influence how I behave. I'm way too impressionable in this regard. I want to be able to interact with more awareness. Maybe that's my lesson for this life. "Later, upset that SHE had shared, she blew up at me." I think a lot of times when we blow up at others, it's an unrecognized anger at ourselves -- or maybe just a reaction to unavoidable pain, like grief. Some things in life just hurt, it's unavoidable, but in this world we seem to learn that we have to have someone to blame for our pain, even though it's not true. Maybe she needed you there right then to blow up at, so you served her that way as much as you did in providing the safe space for her to share. Not an easy position for you, though. Yes, Helen, I think you got it. (I thought of yoga too.) But if I do yoga, I do it on purpose. I tend to not even see when I’m letting others influence how I behave. I’m way too impressionable in this regard. I want to be able to interact with more awareness. Maybe that’s my lesson for this life.

“Later, upset that SHE had shared, she blew up at me.”

I think a lot of times when we blow up at others, it’s an unrecognized anger at ourselves — or maybe just a reaction to unavoidable pain, like grief. Some things in life just hurt, it’s unavoidable, but in this world we seem to learn that we have to have someone to blame for our pain, even though it’s not true.

Maybe she needed you there right then to blow up at, so you served her that way as much as you did in providing the safe space for her to share. Not an easy position for you, though.

]]> Comment on Individuality and friendship by: Helen McGill http://spiritblooms.gaiastream.com/2006/10/03/why-arent-more-people/#comment-432 Fri, 06 Oct 2006 09:45:03 +0000 http://spiritblooms.gaiastream.com/2006/10/03/why-arent-more-people/#comment-432 Pretzel shape friendships or relationships: Barbara, Ohhh, pretzel shape makes me think of yoga ;-) I think I may know partially where you are coming from or at least this makes me think a bit about it, thank you for that! If I feel like I have to act a certain way, or do or say certain things to be friends or get on with someone, well then they are not accepting me for who I really am. And I am not being truthful to myself. We are all individuals. I really noticed this last month with one of my yoga teacher trainees (not really a friend but a student) who became upset when I shared something to the group about myself that apparently she did not want to hear from me. Yes, this was about me, however it brought up issues about her, her past that she then shared. Later, upset that SHE had shared, she blew up at me. I found that quite complex. Anyway, relationships are an interesting subject, when do we avoid getting close and how and when do we test the waters and put it all out there? Is it a comfort zone or a danger zone? As I age I feel less of this feeling of acceptance of wanting everyone to like me maybe because I finally realize, well that just isn't going to happen! Hope I make a little sense... helen Pretzel shape friendships or relationships:
Barbara, Ohhh, pretzel shape makes me think of yoga ;-) I think I may know partially where you are coming from or at least this makes me think a bit about it, thank you for that! If I feel like I have to act a certain way, or do or say certain things to be friends or get on with someone, well then they are not accepting me for who I really am. And I am not being truthful to myself. We are all individuals. I really noticed this last month with one of my yoga teacher trainees (not really a friend but a student) who became upset when I shared something to the group about myself that apparently she did not want to hear from me. Yes, this was about me, however it brought up issues about her, her past that she then shared. Later, upset that SHE had shared, she blew up at me. I found that quite complex. Anyway, relationships are an interesting subject, when do we avoid getting close and how and when do we test the waters and put it all out there? Is it a comfort zone or a danger zone? As I age I feel less of this feeling of acceptance of wanting everyone to like me maybe because I finally realize, well that just isn’t going to happen! Hope I make a little sense… helen

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