Now, I’m just happy when I’ve satisfied myself, when I feel I have touched a creative part and let it fly. It doesn’t matter if I ever publish in paper, anymore.

Somewhere along the line, I became satisfied with just the good feeling that comes when a piece of writing works, just for me.

I’ve added you to my links too! What a beautiful site, and I wish you heartiest (and fast) luck on your book. Good on you! And yes, enjoy the poetry et al. Life is too short. Might as well get it all in–and enjoy.

Happy holidays to you,

Bev

I used to get more joy out of fiction writing before I began trying to make money at it, and that’s many years ago now. Joy was never an issue with technical writing, but then I didn’t start it for fun, or out of passion for the work, or for self-expression. I began doing it for a paycheck. I found happiness and satisfaction in the flow of the work, in meeting deadlines, and in doing my best at it, and it was a type of work I was suited for, which surprised even me. But I didn’t have to worry about selling technical manuals. My employer paid me every two weeks and I did as I was told, end of story. I was fine with that and comfortable doing it. I liked the solitary, independent nature of the work, and the fact that it left a part of my mind free to think creatively, something not possible in other types of jobs I’ve had. It was a job I could leave at the office at the end of the day and get back to my creative work.

Attempting to do creative work for pay is another matter, at least for me, especially when there’s no employer telling me what’s working for them and what isn’t. Writers’ groups and workshops are great for feedback, but only to a point, since they’re not composed of the people seeking work to publish, and a book should be in a late draft anyway before it’s workshopped. With long fiction, written on spec, which it always is until you’re published, there’s all this effort up front, joyous as it may be. If you’re aware all along that you still have to sell it, and you know you detest that part of the job and have little to no control over the outcome, and when the outcome is negative time after time, the joy in it can sag quite a bit, more so as time passes. I let this go on for too long, and that was a mistake.

I’m happiest with my creative work when I’m in a flow and creating, not thinking about anything else but what I’m doing. The business end may be fun for accountants and salespeople, or anyone who gets a thrill out of the bottom line or just the challenge of predicting a market or selling a product. I’m afraid those give me little joy, and try as I might I’ve not found a way to enjoy them, only to get through them the way I get through going to the dentist. Sure, I want to have more money in order to feel that my ends meet more comfortably and to buy things for my loved ones and myself, or to have a vacation now and then. But that connection between creation, market, and money somehow hasn’t worked out with my long fiction. I know I’ve improved my skills and storytelling ability, but it’s yet to be seen whether I’ve improved enough, and now I’ve lost my verve and nerve regarding it, and there are a lot of feelings of disappointment around it that spoil the fun for me — all my own doing because of how (wrongly) I’ve thought about it for so long.

I’m going back to doing my best to keep creativity fun, and letting any thought of making money from it go. I’ve just finally begun thinking of writing that way again, but shorter work — poetry at the moment, mainly. I’m already a lot happier and having a lot more fun exploring activities I never took the time to in the past, and measuring their value by how much they make me or anyone else smile, or sigh, or feel something satisfying about it.

Congratulations! What an awesome thing, to get a book to that completion stage. I remember thinking I had done such an amazing thing, when I finished my first book. And I had. But of course, I was the only one that knew it, lol, as I just could not get motivated to send it out anywhere.

I even told myself that if I did not submit, writing would be a hobby. And I tried…but the submission process takes another kind of mind altogether, than I’ve got. A true Piscean mind…impractical as all get out!

But I agree…it would be nice to pay the bills.